To be.

 

 

He says,

Don’t give up on us yet coz we are still far from that.

Maybe all I need to do is believe.

 

 

 

 

a little clueless, a little confused, a little sad.

Recently, I have been a little clueless, a little confused, a little sad. Feeling a little useless and full of crap.

My friend called it the ‘early- mid life crisis’.

I believe alot of young adults who are fresh out of college feel the same way I do. It’s normal. Everyone lost their ways and everyone needs time to explore the path that belongs to them.

My dad said that we, as individual, are the only one who can set how we want our life to be.

My dad’s goal has always been clear. He needs to earn big bucks to support his family and ensure that his future generation enjoys a better life. My dad has a vision. A clear and in my opinion, truly honorable vision.

It’s normal. Everyone lost their ways and everyone needs time to explore the path that belongs to them.

But I’m my dad’s daughter. It may not mean anything to you but to me, it means,’why the heck am I confuse? I have no time to waste thinking about what I want.’

Every minute of every day wasted in thoughts is a minute of your life wasted in being unproductive.

Back to basics

 I have never not know what I wanted.

I graduated with a clear vision: I want to be the best marketer.

Then again, this vision is no where clear.

I want to be the best marketer is as good as giving a hazy,’ I-cant-see-the-car-in-front-of-me’ vague  vision.

Its not even a vision. It’s a vague dream.A vague dream that I can’t even visualize.

 How do you define ‘best’?

I don’t know.

What do you know about being a marketer?

I don’t know.

How do you suppose you are going to achieve this vision?

I don’t know. 

This leads back to the first question.

Do I really know what I wanted in the first place?

I wanted to do two degrees. I love Media and Marketing.

Why choose to do two degrees when you can just do double majors?

You don’t learn much with double majors. Two majors mean 3-4 subjects in each field. 3-4 subjects do not bring you insights.

When I learnt about WW2, I was in awe by the effects of media, propaganda, mass communication and the influence of marketing.

I want to know the propaganda effects.

I love my degrees and will never thought of doing anything else.

I love my degrees but they did not bring me anywhere. My family spent ten of thousands of money for me to complete these two degrees. Degrees that I love but … are they practical?

What is most important?

Interest or practicality?

What is the definition of success?

I need a clear goal to understand why I am doing what I am doing everyday.

I always say that I don’t believe in dreams.

I only believe in objectives, goals and plans.

Right now, I don’t have any of that and this is making me feel

a little clueless, a little confused, a little sad.

A little useless and full of crap.

What will you end up doing by default?

Growing up, I never wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be a lawyer, and then in my last year of college, I decided I wanted to be in advertising. I applied to eighteen advertising agencies in the city of Toronto and received eighteen rejection letters, which I taped in a row on my wall. I thought about graduate school, but my grades weren’t quite good enough. I applied for a fellowship to go somewhere exotic for a year and was rejected. Writing was the thing I ended up doing by default, for the simple reason that it took me forever to realize that writing could be a job. Jobs were things that were serious and daunting. Writing was fun.

(Malcolm Gladwell 2009)

I need to find my share of fun

Do you know what to wish for?

We made wishes at desperate times.

At times when we feel that things are not within your control. When you are lost and do not have any clue on how to get out of the maze.

I am lost… in the rat race.

Cheers!

16 Dec 2010. I graduated!

A photo with my best uni mate that been through the same experience as me for 6 years.

From Trinity, to B.Arts and B.Commerce. Thank you for being the fabulous course mate qiqi! Nothing can be compared to the college experience.  I miss…

having brunch with you,

going to campus and halfway through decided that we should grab a coffee and skipped lecture instead,

chilling under the sun doing nth at all but Nau-ing,

Meat sessions.

I remembered that when I was in my 1st or 2nd yr of university, we drove past JB branch Citibank and I dropped a random remark to my dad that it may be a cool idea to do marketing for Citibank. Today, Im doing that. Its not at all as remarkable or glamorous as what my fancy imagination brings me but that’s reality right? Nothing is smooth sailing and nothing is as good as how you imagine it to be but it was, in no denial, actually something that I thought of doing a few yrs ago and that… by itself, is already close to where my imagination brings me.

KL is a hard place to live but somehow, Im beginning to think that I may be able to survive it.

Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address

Minnie

Introducing to you my best friend’s dog. A Westie – Minnie. In my opinion, the most fortunate dog.

Once, I had dogs. They are family.

Once, I had a dog and her name is Belle. I lost her when I was in Primary school.

Once, I had a dog and his name is Jeff. I lost him when I was in Secondary School.

Once, I had a dog and his name is buddy. I lost him when I graduated from University.

I miss them all.

Belle died a puppy. We put her to sleep. She had a brain disease that cant be cured. At 1 yr old, she constantly had seizures and it only got worse as the weeks past by. Slowly, she had lost the ability to pee and poo. One day, I went to school and when I came back, she had been put to sleep. In class, the only thing I thought about was belle. Where would she go after she die? How did she get the disease?

Doctor said that it might be generic or caused by an accident. Deep down, I always felt that it was us. I was too young to request for a dog. I dont know how to be responsible for a dog. Till today, I still do not know how to be responsible for a dog. Maybe we were playing with her in the wrong ways. Maybe it was the way she always hit herself on the head. Till today, I still think that I caused her disease. I caused her life. I am sorry, but the an apology is never enough.

Jeff died at 4.5 years old. He was my dog and I knew it. I know that to him, I was his owner and I still dream of him in my dreams. He died of an accident. He ran out of the house when the gate opened and a van ran into him. He was carried into the house and died an hr after I got back from home after school. He died when I was on the phone with the vet asking the doctor to come as soon as possible. I did not get back in time for him. He was my dog.

Buddy died at the age of 10. To our whole family, he is a Lim. He is with us for 10 years and left us on the 5th of Jan 211 (wed). I can’t bring myself to write about him. I still talk about him in present tense. I really really hoped I was with him on the day that he left us. I really hope that he is in a better place right now.

On a rainy night… what do u do?

Taken Nov 2010, Melbourne, Australia.

Melbourne has been raining a lot lately.

2 years ago, Melbourne was struck by severe drought…

Raining, for the state, is actually a good thing.

I don’t particularly hate rainy days.

Rainy day gives you a good excuse to stay on bed and waste your day away.

You can drink some hot chocolates and watch some movies.

It also means that you can stay at home without feeling sorry for yourself.

You can be alone on a rainy day but not feel as lonely

Because when its bright and sunny outside, you will feel like spending this beautiful day with your family and the people you love…

but if they are in different countries, you are forced to enjoy such beautiful day by yourself.

Its not bad per say…

I love beautiful weathers

its just that….

Sometimes they can make you miss your family and friends.

 

The country and the people did not Fail us. LEAVING MALAYSIA IS NOT THE SOLUTION.

1 Malaysia should not be merely a Marketing campaign. We should see ourselves as Malaysian FIRST, before our race… and by doing so, the government needs to embrace equal policies for all racial groups before they can convince us that 1 Malaysia is possible.

Not long ago, there was a video spreading around in Facebook and Youtube. UMNO Titiwangsa Division Chief: We do not need votes from Chinese and Indians:

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=444599721383&oid=122375574472796&comments

The speech goes something like this…

“Gentlemen. If you secure 70 percent of the 32,000 Malay votes, then we
won’t need Chinese and Indian votes,” Johari said in the video clip,
triggering applause from his audience.

“If we want to win in Titiwangsa, we want Malays (to vote for us). We want
Malays. Don’t bow down to the Chinese and Indians just because we want to
win. Don’t do it,” he said.

I was really disheartened after watching the video. My first reaction-

I am really not recognized in my country….should I leave?

Then, I started to reprimand myself for having such thoughts. It is not the country that rejected my rights as a citizen… it is the government. We can all migrate to another country and set up a new life where the grass is supposedly ‘greener on the other side’ (we do not actually KNOW if its greener… thats what we heard)…but whatever it is…. in the end, it is still not ‘your grass’ and whenever people ask you, you still have to say that u are ‘originally from Malaysia’. Why do you want to leave your country and take a share of other’s ‘grass’ when you have a chance to make a difference, be the ‘gardener’ of your own country and transform your home to the ‘greenness’ that you aspire it to be?

Whenever my friends and I discussed about the living standards, politics, education system and economy in Malaysia, the discussions will somehow leads back to racial problems and how ‘we really cant do anything about it…It’s the government responsibility’. BUT… we forget one really important idea… the country is not shaped only by the government; we are as much responsible for what happen as the leaders of the country. There are too much stereotypes surrounding the different racial groups in Malaysia. I feel that we should not judge and generalize each racial group. Chances are… when we talk and interact with other racial groups in Malaysia, we will be surprise how similar we are. Our race does not fully shape and determine who we are; it is our upbringings, values and beliefs that shape us. In the end… we are simply Malaysians. Regardless of which race we are, we hold similar fundamental family values, heritage, lifestyles and cultures. We talk the same way, eat the same way and practice similiar lifestyles.

We keep the traditions and values of our ethnicity…but lets be honest, we are far more ‘Malaysian’ than we are a Chinese citizen or an Indian citizen.

I love Malaysia’s culture, our landscape and most importantly, our diversity… but if most of us decide to leave the country and the injustice behind to ‘rot’… what will happen to our country in the future?

What will happen to all your friends and families who remain in the country while you leave everything behind to begin a ‘new life’ in a foreign place?

I personally feel that migrating to another country (and in the process, breaking all ties with your home-country) because one feels that the country is ‘getting hopeless’ is not the most outrighteous act.

If we are not even willing to play a small part in ‘recovering’ our country and makes it better for our families, friends and their future generations, how can we claim that we are ‘better than’ the corruptions, unjust and discriminations that are facing our nation today?

The Country has not treated us badly, we all have our share of happiness in the country… happy memories that we hold on to… memories that we treasure…. memories and experiences that makes up who we are. We hang out in familiar places and drive through familiar roads. These are all part of our identity…. leaving it behind because the government has treated us unfairly is to deny the valuable experiences that you have lived through in Malaysia.

Leaving the country behind because the government has treated you unfairly is as good as turning your back on your childhood friends and families who played with you and allowed you to come to their house for snacks when you happened to be locked out of house without a key. You have left them to face the music at the time when they need you the most to fight for a better future for their future and the future of their younger generations.

Leaving the country behind because the government has treated you unfairly is as good as admitting that you are okay to see your nieces and nephews going through the same injustice that you have gone through. We want a chance for all children in Malaysia to be able to enjoy a truly harmonious and equal society. We don’t want history to repeat itself.

If we are not willing to stay and help the group of people that are closest to us in the world, how can we claim ourselves as socially responsible citizens of the world?

To fight for equal racial rights in Malaysia, we should start to see ourselves as MALAYSIANS rather than ‘Malaysian Malays’, ‘Malaysian Chinese’ or ‘Malaysian Indian’.

Instead of primarily only looking after the people of our own race, we should start to look after the social wellbeing of Malaysians as a whole.

I believe that if we can truly embrace one another as fellow members of Malaysia, we, as a group, will make the right choices as a nation.

The government did not show us the true meaning of 1 Malaysia but we, as a group, can show the government what it means to truly embrace true harmony and unity. We don’t give priority to any race, we reward people base on their true ability and help people in need because they deserver our help as human being.

xx

Alicia Lim

Related Articles:

BBC News (1 Malaysia: Embracing unity or just a catchy slogan?)

What does one Malaysia mean to you?

Some Umno Grassroots ‘not very smart’

Equal rights, equal opportunity

“TACHELES” Berlin’s Squat: Where history, contemporary art and democracy meet

When the berlin wall fall in 1989, thousands of East Berliners fled the east, leaving masses of buildings empty. Many of these squats ended up being filled by West Berliners and street artists looking for a cheap place to live…..

This is when the old Jewish Quarter becomes a place for everyone in betweens (Many Berline squats housing artists, pensioners, ex-pats, and everyone in between)… discrimminating no one and allowing everyone with passion and artistic talent to exhibit their works…

Contemporary art heaven

“Tacheles”

(Jewish word ‘to disclose, to reveal, to speak clearly” )

situated in a ruin in Belin Mitte

Meeting point for people interested in arts and culture. Alternative Berlin.

HISTORY OF THE PLACE:

-       Shopping mall built in 1907

-       Bankrupted and taken over by AEG in 1928

-       World War 2: used by Nazi for adminstration and organization department, also to detained French POWs

-       1943- 1945: building hit and damaged by allies

-       After War, left in ruins (partly restored). Storage area.

-       Planned to be demolished in 1990 but the wall fall and the plan is abolished

-       1990: young artists took over the building

Subculture emerges…

Artists and individualists from all over the world used the plurality of available free spaces to put alternative lifestyles to the test.

The space for individual expression and creativity…..

 

Democracy.

 

Other sources:

Lala travel: Artists’ squatted houses

48 hours in Berlin

Berlin history

 

Some of the Photos that I took when I was there (April 2010):

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