Don’t give up on us yet coz we are still far from that.
Maybe all I need to do is believe.
Recently, I have been a little clueless, a little confused, a little sad. Feeling a little useless and full of crap.
My friend called it the ‘early- mid life crisis’.
I believe alot of young adults who are fresh out of college feel the same way I do. It’s normal. Everyone lost their ways and everyone needs time to explore the path that belongs to them.
My dad said that we, as individual, are the only one who can set how we want our life to be.
My dad’s goal has always been clear. He needs to earn big bucks to support his family and ensure that his future generation enjoys a better life. My dad has a vision. A clear and in my opinion, truly honorable vision.
It’s normal. Everyone lost their ways and everyone needs time to explore the path that belongs to them.
But I’m my dad’s daughter. It may not mean anything to you but to me, it means,’why the heck am I confuse? I have no time to waste thinking about what I want.’
Every minute of every day wasted in thoughts is a minute of your life wasted in being unproductive.
Back to basics
I have never not know what I wanted.
I graduated with a clear vision: I want to be the best marketer.
Then again, this vision is no where clear.
I want to be the best marketer is as good as giving a hazy,’ I-cant-see-the-car-in-front-of-me’ vague vision.
Its not even a vision. It’s a vague dream.A vague dream that I can’t even visualize.
How do you define ‘best’?
I don’t know.
What do you know about being a marketer?
I don’t know.
How do you suppose you are going to achieve this vision?
I don’t know.
This leads back to the first question.
Do I really know what I wanted in the first place?
I wanted to do two degrees. I love Media and Marketing.
Why choose to do two degrees when you can just do double majors?
You don’t learn much with double majors. Two majors mean 3-4 subjects in each field. 3-4 subjects do not bring you insights.
When I learnt about WW2, I was in awe by the effects of media, propaganda, mass communication and the influence of marketing.
I want to know the propaganda effects.
I love my degrees and will never thought of doing anything else.
I love my degrees but they did not bring me anywhere. My family spent ten of thousands of money for me to complete these two degrees. Degrees that I love but … are they practical?
What is most important?
Interest or practicality?
What is the definition of success?
I need a clear goal to understand why I am doing what I am doing everyday.
I always say that I don’t believe in dreams.
I only believe in objectives, goals and plans.
Right now, I don’t have any of that and this is making me feel
a little clueless, a little confused, a little sad.
A little useless and full of crap.
Growing up, I never wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be a lawyer, and then in my last year of college, I decided I wanted to be in advertising. I applied to eighteen advertising agencies in the city of Toronto and received eighteen rejection letters, which I taped in a row on my wall. I thought about graduate school, but my grades weren’t quite good enough. I applied for a fellowship to go somewhere exotic for a year and was rejected. Writing was the thing I ended up doing by default, for the simple reason that it took me forever to realize that writing could be a job. Jobs were things that were serious and daunting. Writing was fun.
(Malcolm Gladwell 2009)
I need to find my share of fun
A photo with my best uni mate that been through the same experience as me for 6 years.
From Trinity, to B.Arts and B.Commerce. Thank you for being the fabulous course mate qiqi! Nothing can be compared to the college experience. I miss…
having brunch with you,
going to campus and halfway through decided that we should grab a coffee and skipped lecture instead,
chilling under the sun doing nth at all but Nau-ing,
I remembered that when I was in my 1st or 2nd yr of university, we drove past JB branch Citibank and I dropped a random remark to my dad that it may be a cool idea to do marketing for Citibank. Today, Im doing that. Its not at all as remarkable or glamorous as what my fancy imagination brings me but that’s reality right? Nothing is smooth sailing and nothing is as good as how you imagine it to be but it was, in no denial, actually something that I thought of doing a few yrs ago and that… by itself, is already close to where my imagination brings me.
KL is a hard place to live but somehow, Im beginning to think that I may be able to survive it.
Once, I had a dog and her name is Belle. I lost her when I was in Primary school.
Once, I had a dog and his name is Jeff. I lost him when I was in Secondary School.
Once, I had a dog and his name is buddy. I lost him when I graduated from University.
I miss them all.
Belle died a puppy. We put her to sleep. She had a brain disease that cant be cured. At 1 yr old, she constantly had seizures and it only got worse as the weeks past by. Slowly, she had lost the ability to pee and poo. One day, I went to school and when I came back, she had been put to sleep. In class, the only thing I thought about was belle. Where would she go after she die? How did she get the disease?
Doctor said that it might be generic or caused by an accident. Deep down, I always felt that it was us. I was too young to request for a dog. I dont know how to be responsible for a dog. Till today, I still do not know how to be responsible for a dog. Maybe we were playing with her in the wrong ways. Maybe it was the way she always hit herself on the head. Till today, I still think that I caused her disease. I caused her life. I am sorry, but the an apology is never enough.
Jeff died at 4.5 years old. He was my dog and I knew it. I know that to him, I was his owner and I still dream of him in my dreams. He died of an accident. He ran out of the house when the gate opened and a van ran into him. He was carried into the house and died an hr after I got back from home after school. He died when I was on the phone with the vet asking the doctor to come as soon as possible. I did not get back in time for him. He was my dog.
Buddy died at the age of 10. To our whole family, he is a Lim. He is with us for 10 years and left us on the 5th of Jan 211 (wed). I can’t bring myself to write about him. I still talk about him in present tense. I really really hoped I was with him on the day that he left us. I really hope that he is in a better place right now.